Imagine a conversation between a mother and her three-year-old son, who is trying to cut an  apple with a sharp knife.

“Put that knife down!” says the mother. “You’re going to cut your finger.”

“No, I won’t cut myself!” retorts the child.

“Yes, you will!” responds the mother angrily.

This only makes the child more determined.

“No, I’m not!”

“You are, too!” shouts the mother, even angrier.

“Give me the knife!”

“NO!!” shouts the child.

Then the mother suddenly remembers something she had studied in psychology—that every accusatory “you” message can be turned into a non-blaming “I” message. She pauses a moment, and then, in a tone of voice free from anger, says:“When I see you holding that sharp knife, I feel scared. I worry that you might cut yourself.”

The child looks calmly at his mother and, after she reiterates her concern,relinquishes the knife to her,without anger or argument. His mother had found a way of speaking to him that didn’t hurt his pride, that respected him as an individual, and he had responded in kind.

Of course, simply finding the right way of addressing others won’t always solve life’s problems.

People aren’t machines, and there is no single answer that will always work. Cultural differences also play a role, and the best methods may differ from culture to culture.But a “you” message almost always forces its recipient into a defensive mode, shuts down the possibilities for real communication, and stirs a desire to win out over one’s opponent. Feeling that responding positively to the other person’s demand would be capitulating, we refuse to comply. That seems to be a universal tendency.

In contrast, an “I” message respects the other person. It is not an attempt to criticize and force compliance. Instead, it is descriptive:

“When you do that, I feel this way. I want you to know that. How you respond to it is your decision.”

Communication framed in this mode does not accuse other people of anything or try to force them to obey your wishes. It is respectful of others’ autonomy.

This, I believe, is an important key to positive interactions not only with other adults, but with children as well.

When we get angry, however, we are quick to start our sentences with “you”—”You did this” or “You always do that.”

At a question-and-answer session, a woman once asked my mentor, second Soka Gakkai President Josei Toda, how to deal with a problem she was experiencing with her husband. He was coming home later and later from work each day, until eventually he started not coming home at all.Mr Toda replied to her in a kindly fashion:

“Are you always picking on him and complaining when he comes home? Do you angrily demand, ‘Where were you yesterday?

How about the day before?’

That is certain to make him feel bad. Instead, try welcoming him home warmly. Make him a nice home-cooked meal and,when he walks through the door, say: ‘Have some dinner. Here’s a special treat I made for you.’“If you do that, he’ll want to come home. It may be that he doesn’t like to come home now because of how you treat him when he does. If my wife was always grilling me, ‘Where were you? Why didn’t you come home?’ I wouldn’t want to come home either.“Tomorrow, when your husband returns from work, cook him that dinner.If you don’t have enough money, it doesn’t have to be an expensive meal, but make him some home cooking and offer it to him, with genuine warmth. Just trust me; this will work. You try it from tomorrow. When you complain and fuss and criticize, you are only driving him farther and farther away.”

I want to make it clear that President Toda wasn’t saying that the husband’s behavior should be condoned. But he knew that the woman’s real goal was not to defeat her husband. Even if she got the last word in an argument, it wouldn’t necessarily make her husband treat her any better.Of course, the same applies when husbands have a point of contention with their wives.

Most people expend an incredible amount of energy trying to change others. We think, “If only he would change,” “If only she would stop being that way!” But in fact, trying to change others often only makes them resent us more,and it is rarely effective. Taking it one step further and criticizing or attacking others as being unscrupulous, unfair or insensitive very often makes them respond with even more of the same behavior we are criticizing.

This is true of children as well. If a mother is always shouting at her child to hurry up, the child ends up seeing himself as a slow person who can’t do things quickly enough. Once that self-impression takes root in his heart, he actually becomes slow, in a perversely self-fulfilling prophecy. This has been identified as an actual psychological phenomenon.

The best way to encourage a child to do things more quickly is just that:to encourage. Praise the child when he has completed a task more quickly than usual, and nurture the self-image in his mind of someone who can accomplish things quickly. If we tell children that they are good and kind, they will actually become good and kind.

The ability to inspire others is the fundamental requirement of a leader. In the workplace, for example, a boss who orders employees about may get superficial obedience, but he won’t win any hearts, and this will show up in the work the employees do. Such a manager may look at an employee and decide “He has no drive or initiative.” But the manager never realizes that it is his own attitude and behaviour that are robbing the employee of drive and initiative.The more one relies on coercion and force, the more impoverished and paralyzed one’s spirit becomes.

Let us imagine another, entirely different kind of manager. One of her employees makes a mistake with a customer and comes to her to fearfully report on his error. He’s expecting her

to chew him out, but instead she says: “I see. Don’t worry, I’ll handle this. Just leave it to me.” Naturally, in addition to immense relief, the employee will feel tremendous respect for his manager and eagerly work to please her and show his appreciation for her kindness and support.

Respecting, encouraging, and inspiring others make everything go smoothly—whether at the workplace, in the home, the nation, or the world. And what is the most important factor in inspiring and encouraging others? Gratitude and appreciation—the recognition that an individual’s contribution is important and helpful. Feeling needed by others encourages and inspires anyone.

“Thank you” is a miraculous expression. We feel good when we say it, and we feel good when we hear it. I am constantly saying “Thank you” from morning to night, every day. When I visit other countries, it is the one expression I always learn and use, whether it is “Thank you,” Merci,” “Danke,” “Gracias,”“Spasibo,” or “Xie-xie.” I express my thanks with deep sincerity, looking the other person in the eye as I speak.

When we speak or hear the words “thank you,” the armor falls from our hearts and we communicate on the deepest level. “Thank you” is the essence of nonviolence. It contains respect for the other person, humility, and a profound affirmation of life. It possesses a positive, upbeat  optimism. It has strength. A person who can sincerely say thank you has a healthy, vital spirit, and each time we say it our heart sparkles and the life force rises up powerfully from the depths

of our being.Being grateful for the support that so many other people have given us-that awareness, that feeling, that joy—will bring us even greater happiness. Instead of being grateful because we are happy, the feeling of gratitude itself actually brings us happiness. Prayers with a spirit of gratitude, too, harmonize most effectively with the rhythm of the universe and turn our lives in a positive direction.

When we cannot say thank you, our personal growth stops. When we are growing, we can see how wonderful others are, too. When we stop growing, all we see are other people’s faults.In our families, instead of trying to change our partners, children, or siblings,why not start with the simple utterance, “Thank you”?

A certain woman became afflicted with senile dementia in old age, and she was unable to remember even the names of her family members. But when the doctor asked her what was the happiest moment in her life, she immediately responded: “When my daughter was born. I was so happy!” Hearing this, tears welled up in the eyes of the daughter, who was standing nearby. “Thank you,”she said. “Thank you, mother. That was all I needed to hear.”And at the same time, the daughter regretted how she was always scolding her own child. “After all,” she thought, “that was the happiest time in my life,too—when he was born.” Yet, over the years, driven by some mental image of an ideal child, she had tried to mold her son to that pattern, thinking only of where he didn’t measure up to the ideal, dwelling on his shortcomings in one respect or another. Still, in spite of how demanding she was,her son tried his best to live up to her ideals. He was kind to her.

Suddenly she was overcome with gratitude. “Thank you. I am happy that you were born, too. I am happy just that you are here with me.Thank you.”

She saw her son with fresh eyes, and suddenly she had more than enough reason to be grateful and happy. After all, though it was hard getting her son out of bed in the mornings, he would eventually get up, even if it was sometimes at the last minute. That in itself was a wonderful miracle. He may have been a little picky about his food, his grades may not have been top in the class, but she was just grateful he went to school every day. She was just grateful for his smile.

She was grateful for everything, even when nothing special happened.She was grateful that her son returned home safe and sound each day. She realized that taking so much for granted and having so many demands had been a symptom of a deep and pervading arrogance on her part.

Many people who are diagnosed with a serious illness realize for the first time just how much they have taken their health for granted up until then.

That’s why it’s so important for wives to take the opportunity, every once in a while, to look their husband’s square in the eye and say, “Thank you dear.” And husbands shouldn’t just silently eat their dinner, but look at their wives and say: “Thank you, dear, for everything.” It may seem a bit embarrassing, but try it: you’ll see how it changes your life.

discusses the means to fulfill our dreams and develop the life-condition to overcome anything.

Nichiren Buddhism holds the key to helping people build an indestructible palace of happiness within their lives. We must share this key with others, and we must learn to utilize it to the maximum within our own lives.

I find that when we judge our ability to accomplish our goals through intellectual analysis rather than faith, we concede to defeat even though we practice this great teaching. If we fail to employ the “strategy of the Lotus Sutra” as the Daishonin instructs us, we tend to perceive that our goals are unattainable and do not even bother to challenge them through faith, thus making our mistaken perception a reality. Nichiren Daishonin tells us, however: “If you only chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, then what offense could fail to be eradicated? What blessing could fail to come? This is the truth, and it is of great  profundity. You should believe and accept it” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 130).

Now is the time to make these words a reality in our lives. We must experience how transforming the power of faith is by mustering our courage to challenge the impossible. After all, as Nichiren warns us in “Reply to Kyo’o”: “A coward cannot have any of his prayers answered,” and, “The mighty sword of the Lotus Sutra must be wielded by one courageous in faith” (WND, 412).

Women and young women compose nearly two-thirds of our organization. Our ability to help one another apply Nichiren Buddhism to our daily lives and transform our destinies will create ripples of change throughout the SGI-USA and our society as a whole.

Nichiren Buddhism explains that everything is interconnected. A change in the life of one person, because it is inseparable from the environment, produces ripple effects in others.

But how many of us really believe this? Many of us think we are just insignificant individuals who cannot have an impact upon others. What’s needed to change this is for each of us to experience the interconnectedness of life, as nothing is really separate.

Therefore, our theme of making the impossible possible embraces two objectives: first, it is for every woman to challenge her own limitations daily; and second, for every woman to wholeheartedly apply her time and effort toward helping others win over their  challenges.

“If we exert ourselves for Buddhism and the happiness of others,” says SGI President Ikeda, “we ourselves and everything around us will shine brightly. In contrast, self-centered actions often inflict only suffering on others. If we behave that way, we ultimately stand to lose. Buddhism teaches us to work for the welfare of others.

Everything we do for others returns as our own benefit. No effort for kosen-rufu is ever wasted” (Oct. 22, 2004, World Tribune, p. 3).

Consequently, in preparation for the February meetings, I suggest that each woman list all the things you would really like to accomplish but fear impossible. Then place this list  on your altar as a reminder of what you will courageously challenge yourself to accomplish, every day, no matter what. Going for the impossible is the first part of the Myoho Sisterhood pledge (see Dec. 3, 2004, World Tribune, p. 6).

It is also important that we support one another until everyone achieves a victory. This is why we are doing the hour of united prayer every day in which we are praying for every person to experience the limitless potential of his or her life through faith, every person to awaken to his or her mission to spread Nichiren Buddhism, and for an undeniable, tangible victory in Soka Spirit. This prayer, significantly, includes everyone, not just women. We want everyone to achieve a life-condition of indestructible happiness, and for all of our friends still practicing with the Nichiren Shoshu priesthood to come home to the SGI-USA. Every day, I receive amazing reports from members doing this prayer. They are achieving great breakthroughs in their own personal lives as well as seeing change in the lives of others. I want everyone to have this experience.

Of course, in addition to prayer, it is vital that we visit other members, call and inspire them to go for their dreams, to use faith to challenge the impossible and to never, ever give up. We must also commit ourselves to sharing Nichiren Buddhism with others. Toward the February meetings, I suggest that all the women and young women challenge themselves to introduce one new person who will take faith by May 3, 2005. Expanding our membership is integral to our pledge to help others win in their lives, because Nichiren Buddhism holds the key to each person unlocking his or her limitless potential from within.

As for the actual commemorative meetings, I strongly urge that they be women’s meetings that include the young women. These are women’s commemorative meetings that are held only once a year. Of course, this does not mean that the men and young men cannot support or that male guests cannot attend the meeting if the women so choose. But this activity should be separate from the district meeting for the month. The purpose of the women’s meetings is to share the greatness of Nichiren Buddhism with the guests and with each other, as sisters in faith. Therefore, it is recommended that these women’s meetings be small to allow everyone to participate.

And while I hope those preparing the meetings feel free to apply their vast resources of creativity, please keep in mind that the meetings should clearly and convincingly make the point that absolutely nothing is impossible with faith.

Today people are yearning for hope, to know that they can lead a fulfilled daily existence while making this world a better place. Nichiren Buddhism has the key to make this possible. Let’s each of us use the time before our women’s meetings as an opportunity to deepen our understanding of the power of faith. Let’s go for the impossible and help others to do the same. Let’s make this a year of joyfully experiencing the limitlessness of our possibilities. Together, we can do it.

I went back to work and everything seemed fine for a while. However, in July 1990, I became extremely ill at work again. I had a splitting headache and my boss took me to a hospital. I was diagnosed as having a tumor in my frontal skull. The neurosurgeon said that without immediate surgery it would become fatal. Five days later, I went trough an operation. Everything was successful, and I soon went back to work. One month later, in September 1990 Miss K. whom I had promised to marry, died. She had chronic bone marrow proliferous leukemia which took her life in six months. How can these cruel things keep happening to me. I really felt I had a tragic destiny. Furthermore, before I was even able to recover from the shock, I became seriously ill again. This time the same tumor was growing in the medial part of my brain. I felt deeply depressed, and pessimistically thought that “I am going to die soon”. I wanted to see someone. Suddenly, I remembered Mr. Ikeburo whom I had met at a class reunion eight years ago.

I called him that night. He sounded very happy to hear from me and promised to come to see me within a couple of days. On October 10, he came with his wife and child. I told him what had been happening to me. Then for the first time, he told me about his Buddhism. He said, “If you wish to win in life and against sickness, this is the only way! Because of his enthusiasm and sincerity, I decided to entrust my life to him.

On December 4, 1990 I enshrined the Gohonzon in my home. At the end of the same month, the younger sister of Miss K had become ill. It was from acute lympha tic leukemia. I desperately wanted to shakubuku her and did my best but she would not listen and passed away five months later. I too, was suffering from acute pains in my chest, head and stomach. I went to a doctor and had a complete checkup. He found that I was in the early stage of leukemia. I told Mr. Ikeburo about my illness. He said, “You have to fight to cure the illness. The only way is to challenge chanting for 10 hour Daimoku everyday”. I started from that day. I continued chanting for three days with the determination that “I will fight in revenge for those three precious people I’ve lost. I will overcome this sickness no matter what. I will never lose! By the end of the third day I felt much better. My condition was rather stable for the next two months when suddenly I experienced an extreme pain in my back and legs. I went to see a doctor, and he said: “You are now in the middle stage of a regular leukemia”. Immediately I was hospitalized. I requested a private room and there did gongyo and chanted Daimoku sincerely. Mr. Ikeburo and his wife came immediately to see me and I promised them to attend a discussion meeting. I was able to get permission from the hospital and at the meeting I gave a determination that “I will overcome this illness without fail”.

Two days later, something strange happened to me. I wasn’t feeling well in the morning and went to the bathroom. I threw up first green then black-red, and then a white milky colored liquid. The amount could fill a bucket. The doctor examined it and said it was “melted cancer cells of leukemia”. I was examined, three days later, and no sign of leukemia was found. The doctor said, “I just cannot believe this. I have never seen a case like this. It is so unbelievable that I can talk to you like this”.

A week later I was discharged completely recovered. Because of my faith in this Buddhism, I was able to change the impossible to possible. I was able to overcome leukemia that took many precious people from my life. The sense of appreciation to the Gohonzon fills my entire life. Two weeks later, the doctor told me something unusual. He said, “Your body is producing an anti-cancer substance. Your bone-marrow fluid is reacting to the leukemia virus quickly, and is melting and removing them”. My body was producing an anti-cancer vaccination! I went to the tombs of my mother and my loved ones to report what had happened. I told them, “I took revenge for all of you. Thank very much, mother for giving me life. I will do my best and live happily for your sakes”. Later the doctor asked me to donate my bone-marrow fluid to save a patient who was suffering from bone-marrow leukemia. The procedure is to make a three-quarter of an inch hole in my back and extract liquid with a large syringe. He told me that the patient was a high school girl. I felt very sorry for her, and accepted the request with the determination that I would save her with my bone-marrow fluid soaked with abundant Daimoku. She endured the long-hour surgery that was very successful.

A few days later, the doctor called me and said, “We have be examining, your bone-marrow. It has so much energy and life force that it is increasing very rapidly and is becoming more effective and stronger everyday. It has helped us complete a new machine. We named it Anti-IITLV-1 non-antibody FST-Tsuji-I”. Six days later, two more bone marrow transfers to young girls performed. Before the surgery, I encouraged the girls and told then to chant “Nam-Myoho-renge-kyo” in their minds. I kept chanting for them and the six-hour surgery was successfully completed. All of their leukemia cells were destroyed.

They were able to leave the hospital in complete recovery. By saving the three girls, I realized the greatness of my mission. I decided to report my experience to President Ikeda and wrote a letter to him. Later, his guidance appeared in the Seikyo Shimbun entitled “The relationship between the cure of cancer and the mind”. I took this as his encouragement to me and determined to make it my life-long guidelines. Further reports came from the doctor regarding the new medicine. They discovered that the medicine finds and melts poisonous substances as soon as it enters a human body. Its power has also been increasing. It was further found that the medicine was effective against the collagen disease as well. They decide to name it Anti-HTLV-I non-antibody FST Tsuji-2-B.

Thus, events that I have never dreamed of continue to happen. I pledged to the Gohonzon that if my body can benefit other people in the world, I will happily donate my body. Looking back, I remember suffering from the hellish condition before I met the Gohonzon. Then I was given a second chance in life through the Gohonzon and now, I can save other people who are suffering from the illness. President Ikeda said, “Healing power exists within a patient him/herself. The greatest of such power is the will to live”. I am determined with the firm confidence that I will complete my mission to save others who are suffering from the illness, while fighting for the sake of kosen-rufu, even by giving my own life. A few minutes ago, my doctor called me and said that three girls who received my bone marrow are now producing their own “new” bone marrow, which is similar to mine .

I have created this blog to communicate with all the people who are practicing Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism. You can share your experiences and the victories you achieved after taking up the practice of Buddhism. I will be posting an experiences of members soon. Please suggest  ideas to improve my blog or send me your experiences if you want to share it in this blog. Please keep watching for more stuff here. Thanks for your time

my email : zenvx2000@yahoo.co.in

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